Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sargatanas

The novelty of a Russian teenage all-girl Death Metal band is too fucking hard to resist, so I won't. Sargatanas are like The Donnas if The Donnas didn't suck so bad, were from a former crumbling Soviet Republic, had to play through amps made out of dismantled tanks and recycled land mines, and grew up on a steady diet of beet soup and Chuck Schuldiner. Sure it's poorly recorded, sluggishly performed, and the vocals can get a bit cringe-worthy at times, but look how fucking adorable they are. I mean, how good was your band when you were a teenage girl? I love this.

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32 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 2:25 AM

    You had me at Russian teenage all-girl Death Metal band... well, Russian teenage all-girl, but let's not split hairs.

    I thought I was the only person who thought The Donna's sucked, great comfort to know I'm not.

    Do you remember an all-girl band called Drain? They were fucking shit-awful. Like a worse Alice In Chains.

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  2. Petya VNovember 10, 2009 at 4:40 AM

    Сёстры! Ой как девки рубят!

    Word Verification: stonogi

    stonogi = сто ноги = 100 legs.

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  3. orelNovember 10, 2009 at 4:42 AM

    This is great

    Very frightening.
    Thank you.

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  4. Paul Von AphidNovember 10, 2009 at 5:53 AM

    really bad record... well, its better to listen to Derketa, Holy Moses of Gallhammer instead - cool examples of all-girl or girl-frontman bands.
    I really hate russia (my native country) for bands like Sargatanas.

    It's hard to understand to non-russian, but bands like this one usually consist of teenage poseurs in bad meaning of this word.
    cant understand why this 3rate Arch Enemy clone cause your interest, Aesop.
    yeah, its outsider... but in bad meaning of this word.
    maybe it's just my distaste to melodic death metal at all - only melodeath records i like its late Carcass ("keep on rotting, keep on hoping...").

    well, for non-russians its kinda exotic band, i think.

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  5. Krumbled KookieNovember 10, 2009 at 7:14 AM

    "Sure it's poorly recorded, sluggishly performed, and the vocals can get a bit cringe-worthy at times, but look how fucking adorable they are."

    I really hope you know how funny this is. Because today sucks balls so far for me, but seeing this made me laugh my ass off. I appreciate that.

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  6. Dave GNovember 10, 2009 at 7:23 AM

    I love this too, and I haven't even listened to it yet.

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  7. e normousNovember 10, 2009 at 8:43 AM

    Check out the other (proper) Sargatanas from Mexico. Really genuine, dark, Possessed-ish DM.

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  8. craliestNovember 10, 2009 at 9:09 AM

    the donnas suck?!?

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  9. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 9:18 AM

    No thanks.

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  10. RichardNovember 10, 2009 at 9:21 AM

    poorly recorded, sluggishly performed, and the vocals can get a bit cringe-worthy at times

    And you say The Donnas suck? See, those are all essential parts of being a good band. Those qualities listed and great song writing are all parts of being a good band.

    The Donnas don't suck, they're just not cool by your standards. There is a difference.

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  11. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 9:21 AM

    Oh, I gotta hear this one. Thanks. I don't know if you've heard teenage all-girl swedish thrash sensation Hysterica yet, but if not, check them out. How can you resist a song caled "Girls Made of Heavy Metal"?!

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  12. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 11:15 AM

    Anyone remember 13, the doom act that was 3/4 female? So very brutal.

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  13. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 12:53 PM

    Drain werent that bad!!! I quite like them and still give them a spin from time to time.

    Hysterica are bloody amazing in a bad way. For more all-female fronted power metal lols check out Volnaya Staya, also Russian.

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  14. Shelby CobrasNovember 10, 2009 at 12:59 PM

    http://www.metalsucks.net/2009/11/10/reader-suggested-chick-metal-part-1-ludicra/#comment-345784

    Unrelated to the subject at hand, (or is it???) but still noteworthy. PS November Grief from Canada. Brutal, grinding all-girl three piece from the late 90's. Epic.

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  15. G O DNovember 10, 2009 at 1:49 PM

    hey did anyone ever hear of an all girl band from u.k. in the 80's called,"oral"?they had a 12" called,"sex" with songs like ,love pole,head,black leather(by jones and cook)and more.if no one has heard it i'll try to post it on my blog soon at sluggisha.blogspot.com kinda like a sleazier ,nympho,girlschool,and better looking at that!

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  16. AesopNovember 10, 2009 at 2:45 PM

    Lazy blogging?

    http://coolshitinthecrosshairs.blogspot.com/2009/11/downloads-sargatanas-demo.html

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  17. FiddlestixxNovember 10, 2009 at 3:27 PM

    Hilarious. That coolshit in the crosshairs post read like an exerpt from a terribly plagiarized term paper on russian teenage girl metal bands.

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  18. phil vasNovember 10, 2009 at 4:08 PM

    Ha! Crosshairs gets an "F" for plagiarism!

    Hey Aesop, swap links?

    http://philvas.blogspot.com/

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  19. AesopNovember 10, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    Sure thing. Look forward to the read.

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  20. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 4:12 PM

    Chris Counsell of Naked is dead

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  21. AesopNovember 10, 2009 at 4:15 PM

    Not sure who that is.

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  22. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 5:20 PM

    http://www.myspace.com/nakedalienn

    Naked were/are a 2nd wave of British Punk band in the same early 80's wave as Discharge, Rudimentary Peni, Subhumans etc etc

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  23. InsomnivoreNovember 10, 2009 at 6:10 PM

    That coolshit (re)post was an example of such plagarism that the guy's balls must be big enough to bend space. It's almost art.

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  24. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 7:46 PM

    Such an awesome post.

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  25. prunalogsusanNovember 10, 2009 at 8:57 PM

    i LOVE it!

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  26. WriterRichONovember 11, 2009 at 12:32 AM

    To the poster who wrote about 13, yeah they were amazing. My friend, Alicia was in that band. Someone should put out a retrospective already... I love all girl bands. Guess it all springs from the first record I ever purchased, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts', I Love Rock -n- Roll, and later being a bored overweight hardcore kid that couldn't get laid and then discovering Sonic Youth and Kim Gordon's ghostly californian snarl...

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  27. King CrippleNovember 11, 2009 at 9:01 AM

    I just stumbled across the all-female death metal band Putrified Beauty the other day. The songs weren't overly memorable, but I think that has to do with the technical bent of the material. Solid musicianship, though.

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  28. ObscurusNovember 11, 2009 at 8:17 PM

    There used to be an all girl crust band from Sweden and I believe they were called Society Gang Rape or something like that. Anyone know what Im talking about

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  29. Michael N.November 11, 2009 at 9:22 PM

    The Donnas most assuredly do not suck. Although I will admit that they no longer rule either.

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  30. MarkusNovember 12, 2009 at 10:30 AM

    Shiiiiiiiiiit - my band was pretty fucking good when I was a teenage girl! Oh...wait?!?! And while our amps were made of standard issue magnets and tolex, we lived on boiled fish, rice balls, and mountain dew...our performances were NOT sluggish, but we quite obviously worshipped at the altar of Slayer / Kreator. Oh, the good old days, eh?

    Death thrash stylee, circa 1989 - 1994
    www.myspace.com/dementox666

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  31. WesNovember 12, 2009 at 4:39 PM

    It's....beautiful.

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  32. GRK.November 17, 2009 at 3:36 PM

    Another fine band of lasses: Demonomacy from Florida, who had one demo produced by Rat Bastard of To Live & Shave in L.A.

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