One Head One Tail

Another bizarre and mysterious tape by another bizarre and mysterious Norwegian Black metal band. Released by Fossbrenna, the great cassette-only label that reminds us periodically that Norway can still produce some interesting black metal, you'll just have to look a little harder to find it.

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Flesh

Here's some obscure custom-van-moustache rock from Cain, who called Minneapolis home and in 1975 unleashed their debut, A Pound Of Flesh. Kind of reminds me of a Grand Funk Railroad that can keep its fucking shirt on or an American-made, mid-era Deep Purple. A Pound Of Flesh has some seeds and stems but is still pretty stoney.

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Monkeys Tear Man to Shreds Man Never Forgives Ape Man Destroys Environment

Monkeys Tear Man to Shreds Man Never Forgives Ape Man Destroys Environment was the name given to Burmese's first official full-length. Back when I posted the follow-up, A Mere Shadow and Reminiscence of Humanity I described Burmese as "Inspired by the sheer negatronic fuckery as Whitehouse, the plodding crush of Harvey Milk, and the methlab grinds of early neanderthal power violence, Burmese are like a particularly brutal prison rape of sound." I really couldn't have said it better myself, even though I did. Don't enjoy.

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Sunset Blaze

Sunset Blaze were another hopeful young NWOBHM band that never released anything other than this four song 1983 demo. Nothing that is going to profoundly change your life, but still some great no-frills working class bloke-rock from these unsung pub-loyal lobsterbacks.

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Doomed

My personal favorite release from these UK crust pioneers. No need to go into any long rant here. If you know it, cool. If you don't, you'd better. Doom's War Crimes is so fucking ripping you will be moved to stop your war profiteering and you will cease to be a multinational corporation. You will embrace an anarcho-vegan communal lifestyle in which all weapons will be melted down in order to make bicycles and guitars. A barter system will be enacted in which ticks and lice are currency. Nobody will have to work and PCP will be legalized.

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Nastrond vs. Nocternity

This heavyweight bout pits too extremely kult bands against each other in a brutal fight for Satanic supremacy. Long running Swedish Black Metal band, Nastrond, certainly have the advantage of experience behind them, but young Greek upstarts, Nocternity, have a devastating delivery that just might fell the old timers.

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It's Christmas Bitch!

So it's Jesus' birthday and every blog on the interwebs has been dragging out their Christmas rarities. So in keeping with this tradition here's perhaps the dumbest, most ill-conceived christmas album ever. Some motherfuckin' coal for your stocking. Oh, and yes, that would be Snoop Dogg with elf ears. Yup. Oh, and since it's Christmas and shit, go ahead and look at The Cosmic Hearse Wishlist over there to the right. Surely one of you out there is sitting on some of these items, even mp3s of some of them. Come on it's Jesus' fucking birthday, bitch.

Merry Whatever

Hyvää Joulua

Well, it's Christmas eve and if you are a Finnish child you are probably eagerly awaiting the arrival of Joulupukki, the Finnish Santa Claus. Joulupukki is like Santa in many ways except where Santa lives in the North Pole, Joulupukki lives in a frozen hell known as Korvatunturi which is actually just a National Park in Finland. Joulupukki doesn't break into your house via chimney, he politely knocks on the door and asks "Onkos täällä kilttejä lapsia?" (Are there any well-behaved children here?) You bad kids get sticks for your parents to beat you with, awesome. Attanas were a Finnish punk band that made this 7" EP 1987 to celebrate their country's bizarre yule-tide tradition. On the crudely rendered cover you see Joulupukki giving sticks to some punkers who have presumably been bad, probably huffing glue, smashing the state, and running afoul of the local constabulary. I have to send a big old thank you and a "Hyvää Joulua" to Terska of the amazing Saapasnahkatorni blog for this and many great läsnä ja hengenlahja over the past year. The rest of you motherfuckers are getting sticks.

Hyvää Joulua

Rectal Anarchy

Rectal Anarchy is the collaboration of Merzbow, the god of harsh electronic Japanoise, and Gore Beyond Necropsy, the kings of gutteral, far eastern grind filth. Rectal Anarchy is an absolute toxic discharge of bilious offal as well as an homage to '80s punk. "Song" titles include "Punks Not Dead Kennedys Rectal Anarchy" and "Love Me Suicidal Tendencies Rectal Anarchy," to name a few. Sonically you get what you'd expect, a mixture of the respective artists involved. Play this loud when you want the party to end.

直腸の無秩序

Scream

Now that we've established what is the greatest American Punk record of all time, let's discuss the greatest American Death Metal record of all time. My vote is for this little masterpiece, Death's 1987 debut Scream Bloody Gore. Death's history of moving from city to city, changing line-ups, the John Hand thing, and infighting, is thoroughly confusing, and really not that important in the bigger picture. What IS important is that Scream Bloody Gore is a part of your life, and an integral one at that. Every greasy, gooey riff and ruddy drum fill from the duo of Chris Reifert and Chuck Schuldiner is a blunt instrument to the skull. I have used this album as a sort of litmus test. If you aren't on board for this one, you are most likely a square or my dad. My dad hated Death Metal.

Scream

Darkness

Once I was drunk at a bar in Oakland. I was sitting with a friend and the subject of the single greatest American punk album came up. I said without hesitation that it was Poison Idea's Feel The Darkness. I went on to say that it was not a matter of opinion but rather a universal truth. He scoffed at this notion. "Have you ever heard it?" I asked. He hadn't. At that point some random punker walked past our table, I stopped the guy and asked, "Hey, dude, what is the greatest American made punk album ?" Without so much as a blink he answered, "I'm going to have to say Feel The Darkness by Poison Idea." A grin stretched across my face, being right never felt so right. So there it is, a cold hard factoid: Feel The Darkness is the best American Punk album ever.

Feel It

Oskal

The first half Oskal's demo, Stahlkrieg, is so muddy and obscure it resembles more of a power electronics noise project than a Russian Black Metal band. The second half of the tape has more structure but still suffers from poor production. The tape sounds as if it's eroding and there's a consistent buzz like a bad chord throughout. If you have been following this blog closely, you know that the worse the fidelity, the more I am likely to gush over it.

ненависть

In The Style Of Demons

Pentastar:In The Style Of Demons was Earth's fourth and last studio album before a nine year hiatus. This record was critically reviled upon its release, but like any Earth recording, it's a soothing analgesic. Where the earlier Earth albums may have been highly potent opioids, Pentastar: In The Style Of Demons is more of a Dextropropoxyphene high, a bit less intense, more "musical." There is significant anecdotal evidence from patients that Pentastar: In The Style Of Demons is effective, but a third of patients suffering chronic pain report relief from that pain when treated with placebo.

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Torch

Another overlooked classic of Swedish steel here. Torch's first full length (they released an EP prior to this) is off the fucking hook NWOBHM-inspired goodness. Why there were so many great Heavy Metal bands coming out of Sweden between '82 and '85 is a mystery, but if you've been following the Hearse and got all fucking vimmelkantig over The Glory Bells, Faith, Gotham City, and Overdrive, then definitely check out Torch.

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Just Because

Just because I think it is one of the coolest live recordings ever.

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Genius

If you believe everything you hear about Abruptum, then they were the audial essence of pure evil, they were made up of two shadowy figures (one of them a dwarf simply called "It"), they improvised their recordings, and the vocals were done while they mutilated themselves. Evil Genius is a compilation of the band's earliest works. This excellent comp contains their Hexum Galaem Zelog and Satanist Tunes demos, as well as the Evil 7" EP. Play this very loud with the lights off, then destroy yourself.

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Phafner

Phafner's 1971 album, Overdrive, is the stuff of record collecting legend. Rumor has it that only fifty copies were pressed. This seems a little suspect, but either way, it has fetched as much as three grand on eBay. Overdrive is a pretty fucked up druggy listen, it's raw, it's sloppy, it's full of vigor and spirit. The opening song "Plea From The Soul" is pure doomy bliss, but then the record trails off into some neanderthal blues rock. It's 1971, you're transported to a sweaty Iowa barn, hash smoke hangs low in the air, and sad-eyed caucasian dirtheads bang out crude tributes to their favorite sepia-toned negroes of yesteryear. I dig it, and you will too. Reissued on CD by the brilliant Akarma label.

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Wreckin' Shit

You may remember Dr. Dre as the producer of the world's most dangerous group, or as the chronic smokin' g-funkateer who brought the world Snoop Dogg and Eminem. But before his rise to ghettofabulocity, he was a member of The World Class Wreckin' Cru. Nothing scary, or gang-affiliated here, just some old skool shit to get the party started.

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Exterminate!

Exterminator were another hyper-extreme proto-Black/Death cult band from Brazil. Their bassist (credited on this album as Freddy Krueger) went on to be a member of Sextrash. Exterminator's only release was the poorly produced Total Extermination LP. So bad is this recording that it's impossible to discern what's going on, so this may only be of interest to those who froth over the no-fi offerings of the Cosmic Hearse or those completists who absolutely crave all things Brazilian, satanic, and weird. Seriously, this makes Sarcofago's I.N.R.I. seem like Yes' Fragile in comparison. I also want to add these guys had no political agenda, the swastika is just there to ruffle feathers ala Holocausto, and my isn't it shocking?

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Start Today

Don't act like you didn't love this album back in '89 when it dropped. With its ice cream truck-looking graphics and its goofy lyrics about "the scene" and "what's in your heart," I can understand why you might want to disregard Start Today as part of the fabric of your being, but fuck that weak shit. Put this on and remember what it was like to be 16 and so fucking sure you know everything there is to know and your feelings mattered and all that bullshit.

XXX